


Heaven in Hiding

by blurryfaceThalia



Category: Daredevil (TV), Iron Fist (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Canon Rewrite, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Father Lantom is basically everyones therapist, Female Friendship, Just a typical day in Hells Kitchen, Life is a shitshow, Male-Female Friendship, Mentions of Suicide, References to Abuse, References to Depression, References to Race Issues, References to Rape Culture, Stories from K'un-Lun, but they manage
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-22
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2019-06-30 17:08:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15756111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blurryfaceThalia/pseuds/blurryfaceThalia
Summary: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."Tien can do a lot with her eyes, but she can't see suffering and not do anything against it. When an old childhood friend frombeforevisits her, everything starts to unravel; and Tien has to decide what she really wants to do with her abilities.Will she be the one her mother wanted her to be?(There might be some dude in a mask too, who helped her decide. Or annoyed her into deciding, to be honest.)





	1. The Start Of Everything

 

Being a nurse is hard, because there are never enough nurses. Ever. The shifts are straight from hell, as they are never really over; the sick and the dying are not the nicest people either and when you, as a nurse, _care_ – well, it’s definitely not making things easier.

So, when she actually lays in bed with the intention to sleep and not wake up for another twelve hours, it should be counted as a crime to demand her appearance. At least that’s what Tien sighs in her pillow, when it knocks on the door. “The audacity of some people…”, she grumbles and heaves herself up. Looking down on herself, she decides that pyjamas are the new trend in New York City anyway (shut up, she’s going to make it a trend) and she is not going to change.  
Claire already left for her shift, so there is no need for her to be quiet. Tien stumbles through the living room to the front door and looks through the peephole.

Outside stands a man, who she can’t recognize. Short, dark hair, light blue eyes and taller than her. He seems kind of familiar, though, but Tien can’t really place a finger on it. “Who is it?”, she asks through the closed door, because she really is too tired for any bullshit right now.  
“My name is Tom Brittle. I’m searching for a Tien Dechen.”, he says and she freezes. _This_ is Tommy, the boy she has known since diapers, who spent every minute with her, who fed her sand when her mother wasn’t looking? She only realizes that she didn’t react, when he speaks again. “Is she here by any chance?”  
She couldn’t find her voice right now, so she just removes the lock and opens the door instead. There is a storm raging inside of her, or maybe he is the storm, she feels cold and warm at the same time – because how the hell did he even find her? Why would he even want to find her? For all that she knows, he could (or maybe even should) hate her.  
“Tommy?”, Is all she manages and he gives her a little smile.

“Tien.” It’s not a question, it’s a statement.  
Her heart stops for a second, because she did not think, not even for a single second, about her eyes. She did not bother with her contacts, but she should have learned, she should have thought about it, she should have- she can’t just go into public with her normal eyes, not when mutants have such a bad reputation. And now, at her own door, where people will know where she lives – but who is she kidding. This is Tommy. They may have not seen each other for forever, but he knows her, he has seen her eyes. Jesus, he even knows what she can do. He has seen her training and learning, once upon a time, where her mother was still… with her.  
“You look… nice.”  
Oh, what an asshole. “Shut up!” she punches him in the chest and tackles him with a hug afterwards, because hell, this boy was her first crush and now he is standing here- he actually made an effort to find her, after all these years. After she left, he crossed her mind sometimes. But she never really went looking for him, she realizes, feeling kind of guilty. She googled his name once, but nothing came up, so she gave up before she even started. Damn, what a good friend she is. Or was. But, to be fair, her life didn’t really leave any space for shenanigans like finding her childhood best friend. She is not just defending herself right now, stop looking at her like that, she is _not_. Tommy pats her a little awkward on the back.

When she lets go, she grins at him. It feels weird; more like showing teeth in the face of danger than smiling, even though she feels happy seeing him. “Boy, I definitely did not expect to see you again.” Tommy looks up and down at her, “Well, I can see that.”, he says, in the most arrogant voice he can muster and then just shakes his head with a grin. This is definitely Tommy, but still… something seems off about him. He holds himself like a stranger. “Did I wake you up?”  
Asshole, she thinks again, but pleased. Tien sighs and opens the door fully, silently inviting him in. “As a matter of fact, you did not.” A glance to the clock on the wall shows her it’s ten in the morning. She needs caffeine. Now.

“Uh, you look like you haven’t slept in a week, actually.”, Tommy tells her and in the next second he is ducking his head as if she would try to beat him up. “Well, thank you.”, Tien grins instead and rolls her eyes, and tries not to think about his reaction too much, as it would imply stuff she couldn’t just let go. “I appreciate the honesty. I had a shift at the hospital from six to six. But because there are some of my co-workers´ sick- “, _and some just enjoying their time, while they are not really sick_ , “I worked overtime. Again.”  
“That sucks. What are you working as?”  
“It sounds worse than it is. I’m a nurse at Metro-General. You know, I’m one of those people that actually like their job. But I like sleep, too, so…” Tien stretches and walks into the kitchen.

“Do you want some coffee?”, she asks. “Because I need some. Or I’m gonna end up snoring while you’re telling me all about your life.” Tien is already on her way to the kitchen, with a content smile on her lips, as she hears a quiet “Yup”. He pops the ´p´ at the end and snoops around in the apartment. She lets him. There is nothing to hide. _This is Tommy_ , she thinks again.

They say nothing, only the quiet tuckering of the coffee machine filling the silence. Once its done, Tien hands Tommy a cup and places herself on the couch. She wants to ask him how he has been, but considering the circumstances how she left… She doesn’t really have a right to ask him anything. In addition to that, he seems so tired and the way he holds her I-solemnly-swear-that-I-am-up-to-no-good Marauders-cup, in both hands and near his chest, as if he is trying to cling onto its warmth – more than that, he seems exhausted. So, she waits for him to make the first step.

“Is that your mothers’ necklace?”, he asks. It takes her by surprise. Of all the questions he must have… Her hand wanders on its own to the necklace, finding the tooth on the string, like so many times before. It gives her a feeling of comfort, always had. Maybe because it feels like her mothers´ protection.  
“Yeah.” Tien gulps. After all, she still did not like to think about her mother. “She gave it to me two days before she vanished.” There are crinkles on Tommys forehead. “Wait, before she vanished? You vanished together.”  
“We didn’t leave.” Maybe Tien is still bitter about that, cause her voice reeks of it and she can’t help it. All she ever wanted was to be okay, she wanted everyone to be okay, but see what that brought her. And her childhood best friend (now nothing more than a stranger, if she’s honest) is accusing her of… She doesn’t know, maybe of leaving him to the wolves. “I can see why you would think that, but no… We did not just leave then. We didn’t move away.” He doesn’t look at her. “I wouldn’t have left you without saying goodbye.” But she kind of did, didn’t she? She left, on her own, and didn’t look back. Tien doesn’t know what else to say. Maybe he has a right of being… angry or disappointed, or why ever he searched for her.

“Why did you look for me, Tommy?”

“I’m trying… to come to terms with everything. With my life, I guess.” He still doesn’t meet her eyes. “There are so many unsolved things… I was just tired of – of not knowing. Not knowing, why things had to happen the way they happened. I’m trying to – I want to make sense out of my story, I guess.” Tommy turns to her and the look in his eyes screams something she is too familiar with. _Defeat._ “There are so many loose ties. You are one of them.”

“You want me to explain what happened, then?” She fidgets with the seam of her pyjamas, trying to calm down. She can feel his eyes on her and they scream a language, she doesn’t want to understand anymore. _What the hell happened to him_ , she wonders, _that made him this way_? But he is trying to understand that himself, isn’t he?

“Yes.” He gives her a small smile. “Don’t get me wrong, its nice to see you again, but – but I need to understand. I can understand, if you don’t want – if you don’t want to talk about it. But, I guess, you are the start. The start of my story.” His voice cracks and breaks like an old ship on the sea. It keeps ringing in her ears.  
“The start of everything else. Everything that has come after you left.”

Tien could understand why he would want that – hell, she would give everything to know what happened to her mother, where she went, if she is even alive. But there is no way to find an answer for her. She tried.  
But there is an answer for Tommy. And it is simple. She went looking for her mother and didn’t think twice about what she was leaving behind. And now she is staring the ghost of her past in the face. It seems alive. And waiting for an answer.

She thinks about where she should start, but there is really only one right way. At the beginning. “Do you remember my mother was off before she- before we vanished?”

Tommy sits down on the seat next to her couch and leans back, maybe he is starting to relax, now that he knows Tien will not kick him out, who knows. He nods, once, twice. “I do, actually. I don’t really remember what she did, but we talked about it, didn’t we?”

“Yeah.” Tien is still fidgeting with her pyjamas. _Get it together, girl._ “She was hectic, always on edge. She lost her chill more than once, when I tried to ask what’s going on. That was really unlike her.” Tien takes a sip of coffee. It’s still too hot. “She even scared me, to be honest. I’ve always had anxiety, but it got worse, then. I always felt there was something hiding, creeping, waiting around the next corner. Even at home.” Or maybe especially there.  
She pauses and waits if Tommy wants to ask something. When he says nothing, she continues. “A few days before she- before she vanished, she was calmer. Looking back, she probably thought she found what worried her so much, or she decided what to do, or maybe she just thought everything was going to be okay. I don’t really know.” Tien shrugs and drinks another sip of her coffee. It still hurt, talking about it. But she accepted it as a part of her life now, a part that she can’t change.

“The last time you and I both played together- do you remember that?” A small smile played on her lips. Tommy didn’t smile back, he just stared at her. _Strangers_ , she reminded herself, they are nothing more than strangers now.  
“I remember.”, he simply states. “We played ninjas. I didn’t know that was the last time I would see you.” There is an accusation in his voice. It irritates her.

“You know, I didn’t know that either. I thought everything was going back to normal.” The anger showed in her voice and Tommy flinches a little. “I don’t know what my mother planned. I don’t know why she left, or even if she left. I don’t know what happened. Maybe she died right on that day.” She needs to breathe. If she keeps going, Tommy will flee, and she does not want to be responsible for that. There are answers she needs, before he leaves her life again. Still, she needs to say this. “I am not a victim in this story, Tommy. But I am not your villain either. This story is not only _your_ start of everything, its mine too.”

Tommy sinks in himself. The defeat is showing again and it calms her down in an instant. They both don’t really know how to treat each other. How could you, after all these years? Many things have changed, they changed – both of them.  
“I’m sorry.”, he says, almost too quiet to hear.  
“I’m sorry, too.”, she declares and means it. “I’m sorry for attacking you. I haven’t slept in like 24 hours. And I’m sorry for leaving you. I wasn’t thinking right.”

Tommy nods and stares at his coffee, now cold in his hands. “So, you did leave, then.”

“I guess I did.” Tien tries to relax again, but the comfort she felt is gone. This ghost is alive and it haunts her right now.

“My mother did not come home. I waited for hours. I went to sleep and when she wasn’t there the next day, I went looking for her.” Tien points at her eyes. “I really thought I could find her. But there are so many people in this city. I never had a chance.” Her voice shakes, but it doesn’t break. _Its okay now_ , she thinks. _It’s okay_.

“I’m sorry”, Tommy mutters again. “I’m sorry.”  
Tien shakes her head. “It’s fine, Tommy. I’m okay now.” He thinks it’s his fault. Why would he think it’s his fault?

But now it was her turn. “What happened to you, after I left? How are your parents? And how are you doing?” She wanted to know what hurt him. Maybe she could help him. This resigned expression of him is barely bearable.

“Do you still try to help everyone?”, he smiles a little at her busted expression. “You couldn’t leave anyone alone when you thought someone was not doing okay.” Tien has to smile too, because this, this right here, is the Tommy she can remember. Snarky and sassy.

“Well, I have learned to leave people alone. They like to threaten with the police, otherwise.”, Tien jokes. _And people have no problem with leaving me. I can’t help everyone_. She knows that, because she tried.  
“What a shame.”, Tommy adds. “I have always liked that, about you.”

_Are you here to search for help, Tommy?_

“Stop avoiding my questions.” Tien remarks. She doesn’t know this man, but she knows the boy that he was. The boy that is probably still inside him. He is having a hard time, that much she can tell, and maybe he brings out the little girl in her. She wants to help. Tommy does not deserve suffering.

“Did you know my father loved your mother?”  
“Excuse me?”, she yelps, startled. What the hell? “Are you high right now?”  
Tommy shakes his head with a pained expression. “I shouldn’t have told you. I’m sorry.” He gets up, but before he can move she is in his way.  
“You can’t just drop something like that and expect me to let it go!” Tommy flinches again and Tien wants nothing more than to shake him, because _she is not going to hurt you, you idiot_.

“I didn’t know it until you left, either. My father told me.” He brings some space between him and her. She lets him. Tien doesn’t want to intimidate him more than she already does.  
Suddenly a horrible thought strikes her and she wishes, she wouldn’t even need to think something like that. But now, she needs to know. “Tommy,”, she begins, “Did my mother know that?”

“I don’t really know.”, he says, but his face tells another story. She doesn’t think he is lying to her, he doesn’t know, but he has a theory. She wants to hear it. And she really doesn’t.  
“Tell me what you think.”  
Tommy gulps. “I think… that my dad is abusive. I think… that he thinks, he is entitled to everything. I think that maybe- maybe he told her and she didn’t want to, maybe that’s why- “, he comes to an abrupt stop. But she knows what he wants to say.

Her feet move on their own, away from Tommy, back to the couch. She needs to sit down. Tommy follows her for a few steps, but he doesn’t dare to come near her. Tien doesn’t know what she wants. She could use a hug, but if he tried to touch her right now…  
She needs to think, but there is a silence screaming in her head. _His dad was abusive?_ But that’s a lonely thought and its selfish, really, because she doesn’t spend more than a heartbeat thinking about what that would mean for Tommy.

“You think she left because of your father.” It makes sense, she thinks. When he really thought he could have her (she really does not want to think about that, because it is wrong at so many levels-), and her mother didn’t want to, she would be on edge. She would be jumpy. She would not want to tell Tien, so she snaps when she tries to ask what is going on – and she would be calmer, once she made a decision. The decision to leave, in this case.  
“But that would mean- “

“I’m sorry.”, Tommy tells her, but it’s not getting through, it’s white noise in her ears _. It would mean, that she left her alone intentionally_. She thought about everything that could have happened. This was always an option. But now, that she really has a reason to think that, it _hurts_.

“I should leave.” Tien brings herself to look at him. She suddenly feels so, so tired. Exhausted. She gets up, moves silently, to get one of her contact cards out of the drawer, on the right from Tommy. He retreats, as if she is on her way to execute him.  
“I should leave.”, Tommy says again. “I’m sorry.”

“Wait”, she manages, as he is already on his way to the door. She moves in front of him again. This time Tommy doesn’t retreat, because she is in front of the door, she is blocking his escape route. “I hope I could help you, with what you wanted.” Her voice shakes. “Please call me, sometimes.” She hands him the card.

Tommy nods and then he is gone, she didn’t even realize that she got out of the way, but now she is alone again. This is so wrong. She should have hugged him, she should have listened more- because in the end, she wanted to care more about his fate and not be thrown of by her own.

She is on the couch, sometimes drifting off, but mostly awake, away in her thoughts. It’s been almost 14 years that her mother’s vanished and right now, it hurts as if it’s been yesterday. _This is wrong_ , she thinks. _It feels wrong_.

Tien sits like that, for hours, and when Claire comes back from her shift and finds her like that, she doesn’t push her and sits with her in silence. 


	2. This is why Tien shouldn’t interact with fellow humans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire is a cutie, Tien goes to work, and looses her temper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _ **Trigger Warnings:**_ Mentions of abuse by a parental figure, mentions of attempted suicide

 

They are both asleep when Tiens alarm clock goes off. Tien is awake in an instant, but she is tired and she feels bad, her anxiety is going through the roof again. Tommys voice is still filling her head _(“I think… that my dad is abusive-_ ”) Claire is shuffling next to her- or well, they are more entangled than just lying next to each other. (“ _I’m trying… to come to terms with everything. With my life, I guess. There are so many unsolved things_ -”) She can’t get up, when Claire is sleeping on her like that. “Claire, honey.”  
There is a grumble from Claire and Tien can feel the vibrations of it moving through her body and _god_ , it fills her with so much love for this human being, for her non-biological sister, who hasn’t left her side since being roommates in College.  
She probably deserves an award or something for always putting up with her shit.

Her booming heart calms down a little. Claire could always calm her anxiety, a little at least. But Tien really needed to get up. “Claire,” she says and shakes her softly, “You should sleep in your bed. I’m not going to listen to you complaining about how your back hurts.”  
“You”, Claire says, “are a monster.” Claire moves and frees Tien. She huffs. “You should be glad that I didn’t just push you off the couch.”

“You wouldn’t dare.” Claire boxes her in the ribs and gets up. “Not if you want to live another day.”

Tien only laughs and stretches, before getting up herself. Too fast, her head is dizzy. But it only lasts for a few seconds. Still, it was enough for Claire to send her worried looks. “When did you last eat?”  
Tien only shrugs and heads to the bathroom.

“You have to eat, idiot!” Claire’s voice is following her. “I swear to god, you wouldn’t last a day without me.”  
Which is an unofficially official way of telling her she will make her some food. “I love you!”, Tien replies. She hears Claire’s huff, before she turns on the shower and feels life getting back into her limbs.

Claire is probably right. Tien would be nothing without her. They were roommates in College, (NYU Rory Meyers College of Nursing) and she is glad they were, now- even when they didn’t get along at first. Which is Tiens fault anyway. She was an asshole then, but that happens when life fucks up constantly. She thought she could do anything alone, that she needed no one; and she behaved that way, so no one would even want to come close. Claire fought through her walls and into her mind, somehow, and brought her back to the living.

_Claire Temple is a fixer._

Tien wants to stay in the shower forever, but she doesn’t want to be late to work, and Claire is right, she has to eat something first. So she cuts her shower short and leaves this hot paradise, for the sake of her work. They were pretty pissed off at her already; at least the head of the hospital, because there is a difference between just doing her job and really helping people. She doesn’t need any more drama.

A heavenly smell of fresh cooked bacon floats through the apartment when she is done and ready to go. Once she is in the kitchen, her stomach grumbles at the sight of it. “Food.”, Tien mumbles. “Much hungry.” Claire laughs and again, Tien feels a little lighter, she has to smile too.  
“Eat, idiot.” Claire puts down two plates and sits down, Tien follows her.  
“Thanks.”, she says, and means it, and it leaves her tongue like a prayer. Because Claire has done more just now than her dinner; no, she got her out of her bad place in the matter of hours, without ever asking why. And now she is watching her, frowning and a little worried, too.  
“So… You wanna talk about it?” There is a routine to living together between Claire and Tien. Talking about it is supposed to be the next step, Tien knows and she would, but she really has to get to work.

( _It would mean, that her mother left her alone intentionally-_ )

“Later.”, Tien promises, Claire nods, and they finish their dinner in silence.

 

Arriving right on time, she is met with Ben Urich in the foyer. The smell of hospital wakes her a little. “Finally, my favorite nurse.” His lips are twitching. He is holding a fresh cup of coffee- well, if you can call this coffee fresh. Actually, don’t, because that would be an insult to every single coffee.  
“Didn’t take you for a liar, Mr. Urich.” She shakes his out stretched hand and smiles at him, but it seems too worn out to be genuine. She truly likes Ben Urich, but the subway ride made her sleepy again, and she can’t go into her emergency room shift when she is too exhausted and fragile to help anyone. She needs a hand full of cold water, like right now.  
“I’m no liar”, he says, “Doris missed you. You weren’t on shift quite some time.”

“Yeah, that’s cause I pissed the administration of.”, she sighs, “Don’t worry, I’ll be back.”  
“You mean Benson?”, Urich asks and Tien rolls her eyes, because really, _reporters_ , “What did you do?”  
“Don’t question me, Urich, or I’m going to be late.” Tien moves towards the break room, so she can get changed, and get over with this hell-shift. Urich lets her, but calls after her, “Once you’re at home, you should really sleep. You look like hell.” She knows that. If she looks half as bad as she feels… well, even the patients might worry, that they could catch something deadly from her, instead of dying because of whatever they came here. But thanks, anyway.

“Say hello to Doris for me”, she simply answers, enters the break room and shuts the door behind her. Another sigh escapes her lips. Maybe she should try to poison herself with a cup of their ‘ _coffee’_ , too. But that can wait. First, she has to change, and then, in order to survive this twelve-hour shift, _maybe_ she can drink some of this venom.

The clothes suit her, but she always can’t help but feel dressed up in them. Of course, she feels that she has made a good choice, helping people and stuff. But maybe it has not been the perfect choice for her. Like Claire always says, _you can change how things are and help people in a different way_. But that would mean, that she goes out and basically shows everyone that she is a mutant. Only one person who shouldn’t know finds out and her life is ruined. Claire would be in danger. That’s not something she is willing to risk, right now. Maybe never.  
Besides, she still really likes her job.

“So, what’s up?”, Tien asks the nurse at the counter, Louisa, and looks through the ER. Like always, there are a few people sitting and waiting to be attended to. She has never seen the ER completely empty, she thinks. Yet, seems like a good night. They were still understaffed, so it is nice that the ER isn’t crowded.  
“Well, shortly after you left this morning, we got a suicide case.”, she informs her matter-of-factly, “Young girl, seventeen. Fought for her life, but she is still out. Got to have an eye on her at all times.” Louisa looks a little sad. “I’m telling you, that was a clear scream for help. She didn’t want to die, called herself in.” Tiens throat feels tight. The girl is the only one in a critical condition, who has to be watched at all times. Louisa hands her the other papers, a few work accidents, a beat-up tourist, and two dudes, who´s fight got out of hand.  
Louisa and Tien tend to the people with the worst conditions first, like always, and do what they can do best: Fix people up.

When the girl rings for her, she is finally taking a break, and about to pour some of that poison into her. She stares at the cup for a few seconds, but then puts it down with a sigh. Well, seems like the girl is finally awake. _At…_ she looks at the time, _At three in the morning_.

Tien gets a glass of water on her way to the girl. She has been to her room quite often, because after all, she went through a lot and Tien wants to make sure that she is okay. _As okay as you can be after trying to take your life_. Tien talked with the father, who sits next to her all the time. He insisted on staying with his daughter this night and as long as he didn’t interrupt any of the patients, it’s okay.  
He says his daughter has problems at school, but he glares into her eyes like he is daring her to question him. He gives off a bad vibe, so, when she gets to her room, she asks him to leave for a check-up.

“I will not leave, that is my daughter.”, he declares, with crossed arms and a hard voice, “It’s my right to stay.” A good impression of someone who cares, but it makes her even more suspicious.  
“Sir, why don’t you give your daughter some privacy, will you?”, she daringly smiles at him. “She is in good hands, you don’t need to worry.”

“No.”, is his only answer and then he leans back in his chair. Tiens smile becomes small and it takes every ounce of her self-control not to snap at this man. All of this screams abuse, not worried father.  _(“I think… that my dad is abusive-_ ”)  
Tien has to shake her head to get rid of Tommy’s voice.

“Well, let’s see then.”, she takes a step at the girls’ bed and remembers her name is Charlie. She is tall, but so pale it seems she wants to become one with the sheets. She seems fragile, and exhausted. “Good morning, Charlie. Three am, quite a time to be awake.” She smiles at her, tense and aware, that she is being watched. But Charlie smiles back at her and that counts as a success.  
“I know this is a dumb question, but I have to ask.”, Tien says and Charlie looks at her with fear in her eyes. “How are you?”

Charlie relaxes again. “Well… I’m alive, I guess.”, she mumbles. Tien tries to exude comfort, and warmth with every touch. She is careful, because there are a lot of bruises on her body. The report says that fellow students did this to her, but the way Charlie is warded off in this room, even against her father, speaks volumes. Her face screams something, that Tien has seen already in the last 24 hours- a kind of _defeat_ , that is too familiar.  
And that makes her think.

“Well, honey, being alive is enough, for now.”

 

Tien takes her time, so maybe her father will drift off, or needs to go to the restroom, so she can speak to Charlie in privacy. But he is rigid in his place.  
Tien suppresses a sigh.

“Well, we’re done for now. You should sleep. Tests will be held in the morning”, she says and builds eye contact with Charlie, which is really hard to do, “If you need _anything_ , ring for me.”

Charlie nods, but her father disrupts the talk with an “Don’t worry, if she needs anything, _I’ll_ be there.” He grins at her and motions for her to go away, like she is a fucking dog. It makes her blood boil. She is sure her face is reddening with the amount of rage she is feeling, but she tries to keep calm. For Charlies’ sake.

“I didn’t know you had medical education.”, she presses through gritted teeth, sarcastic. She looks at Charlie again, who looks like she would like to be anywhere else right now. “I’m only one ring away. Sleep well.” And then she leaves, before the father can add anything else.

Tien stays in front of the room for a heartbeat or two, and breathes to calm down. _Holy_ , people sometimes do make her want to scream. She gets back to the break room and pours her coffee in the sink. It’s poison when it’s hot, but it’s deadly and undrinkable when it’s cold.  
Instead of just enjoying her break after this infuriating encounter, she does something she has promised herself to never do at work – she uses her eyes.

She sits in the room, alone, and watches two people, one in bed and another in the chair, in a room a hallway away.

 

Only ten minutes into her break there is movement a few rooms farther; the father is leaving the room, probably to go to the restrooms of the visitors and she makes a quick decision, right then and there.  
With a hard look on her face she hurries down the hallway, ice in her veins instead of the rage she has felt before. If she is right…  
No time to think about that, right now.

She knocks at the door, but doesn’t wait until Charlie answers. “Are you asleep?”, Tien asks, but she already knows that Charlie is awake. Still, she if she doesn’t want to talk to her, she can ignore her and Tien will take it as a hint to leave.  
“Yeah”, Charlie answers. “Sorry, I know you said I should sleep.”  
“That’s fine, Charlie.” Tien moves towards the bed, but doesn’t sit down. She doesn’t want Charlie to associate her with her dad.

Tien thinks a moment about how to approach this the best, but she has not enough time. If Charlie wants help, she will help. And alone the fact that she is in this hospital under these circumstances seems like she does want help. “So, Charlie. Is there _anything_ you need me to know?”

Charlie is quiet. Her eyes wander on her face, as if to find the true, hidden meaning behind her actions. “Your father is not here. If you don’t want him to know, I will not tell him whatever you tell me.”  
She can’t quite look into her eyes anymore. “I don’t know what-“  
But Tien interrupts her. “Who did this to you?”, she asks with pressure in her voice. Charlie looks towards the door and it’s the only answer Tien really needs to know. To know who exactly dared to hurt her.

“He has no right to do that to you.”, she presses, “We can make him stop. He has to stop.” Charlie has tears in her eyes. “I wanted him to stop, I told him, but he-“ she managed, but then she started to cry.  
“It’s okay, Charlie. It’s not your fault.”, Tien pets Charlies head. “Can I hug you, Charlie?”  
She looks up to Tien, as if she asked the weirdest question ever, but nods nonetheless, and starts to sob. Tien opens her arms and Charlie crashes into her, this little (not so little) person she has never met before, clings to her for comfort. It makes Tiens throat hurt again.

“It’s not your fault.”, She says again. “Do you understand that?”  
But Charlie only clings to her harder. “It’s not your fault.” Tien can feel Charlies warmth against her ribs.  
“It’s not my fault.”, Charlie chokes out.  
“That’s right, honey.”, Tien says, “I have one last, important question to ask. Are you listening?”  
Charlie stills in her arms, then she nods against her. She can feel the movement in her bones.

“Do you want me to help you get out?”  
“Yes.” She cries. “Yes, please”

“Okay, then I will do everything I can.”  
“But what if it’s not enough? I can’t-“

The door handle moves and they both go quiet. Tien is at the door in the matter of seconds. “Don’t worry.”, she says darkly. “It will be.”  
When the door opens, she shoves the man out of the room again, hard. He stumbles in surprise but catches himself in the last moment.

“What the fuck are you doing?”, he yells at her. She gets hit with a few drops of spit. _Disgusting_.

“Let me get to my daughter!”  
“No.”, she states and closes the door with her foot.  
“You have no right to do that.”, he steps in front of her. “And I’m not going to listen to some bitch-“  
She grabs his collar and slams him into the wall next to the door. “Oh, you’re going to listen. You will, right now.” He struggles underneath her grip, and exclaims “What the fuck!”, when he can not seem to get out. Well, this _bitch_ trains enough to take on a mob of men. Just in case.

“You will leave your daughter alone.”, she says, “Or I am going to fuck you up.”  
“As if-“, but she has had enough of his bullshit. She slams him into the wall again and he shuts up. _That’s how you listen, asshole_.  
“I may be a nurse, I may be a bitch, but I have my ways.”, she threats. “I will know, if you ever touch her again. Do you understand me?”  
“You have no right to-“  
Tien grabs him harder. “Do you understand?”, she presses again.  
He nods, and she lets him go.

“You are going to leave, right now.” He gives her a dirty look, but pushes past her and leaves. The way he struts down the hallway however, tells her, that this story isn’t over.  
She will have to use her eyes more often, that's for sure.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!  
> Don't worry, this is still backstory. I promise, Matt is going to be present really soon.  
> So, english is not my first language and writing what I want to say is still a little bit difficult. If you notice mistakes, please let me know. 
> 
> Read you later, have a great day!


	3. The one time Tien tries to do good, and fails completely

Nothing ever plays out like you want it to. Tien knows that. You can’t just sit and hope, that whatever you wish for is going to happen. Life is all about choices and actions. You have the power to decide what is in your future. And if you don’t like how it is, you have to change it. It’s not going to happen if you just watch your life pass by.  
She learned that the hard way. It has helped her a lot, because now, if she needed to make a decision, she just did, without worrying. There are no such things as wrong decisions or failures. If something didn’t work out like you wanted it to, you either correct it the next chance you get, or you stand with your decision. Even though it’s incredibly hard sometimes.

Tien decides to stand with what she did. So, when Tiens head of administration Shirley Benson starts to yell at her, she defends her position.

“You know you can’t force legal guardians to leave their minor!”, Benson rants to her, “You know it and still did it! Now he is threatening to sue us!” She is talking much too fast and Tien doesn’t dare to interrupt her. It would only make her even more angry. “Not only that, but you got physical! You _attacked_ him! What the hell were you thinking?”

“I was _thinking_ -“, Tien starts,  
“You weren’t thinking, clearly, that was a rhetoric question!”  
Tien uses every ounce of her self-control to not roll her eyes at her boss. That would be her death for sure. “He abused the girl. She wanted him to leave.”, Tien tries to explain, but she got cut off again. Tien starts to get frustrated, then.

“Did she say that to you?”, Benson asks.  
“Not exactly, but-“  
“Not exactly.”, Benson repeats dangerously calm. “Not exactly, hm?”

“You are not listening to me. He scared his daughter so much-“, she tried again. But Benson holds up her hand to stop Tien, and she falls quiet.  
“The only one who needs to listen, is you, Dechen. I’ve been at this hospital for years now, and I have seen a lot of cases like this. An abused kid needs help.”, she says, and puts her head on her now folded hands. “You still can’t force a guardian to leave. There is not much you can do.”

“I helped her, I did _do_ something! And Charlie was grateful.”

“Allow me to finish, will you?”, Bensons voice is taking the tone of a threat, grumbling with anger again, and Tien just nods, “There is not much you’re _allowed_ to do. Do you know what you should have done?”  
But Tien stays quiet, because still, she thinks, she did the right thing. ( _“I think… that my dad is abusive. I think… that he thinks, he is entitled to everything. -_ ) Tommys voice is haunting her and goddammit, when she can help some poor kid, she will.

“You should have called the cops on him, that’s what. Because that’s their job and not yours.” Benson sighs and pinches the back of her nose. “But you didn’t do your job and now the hospital has the problem you caused.”

“My job is to help people.”, Tien retorts. “I did my job. Because the police can only do something, when there’s enough proof for what he did, when Charlie is strong enough to speak out against him. And even then, you can’t be sure, that he is going to pay for what he did. Charlie could have told on him for nothing, she would have to live with him and that would be even worse than it is now.” Tien finally can speak her mind, and she will make sure, that Benson gets it.  
“You know that I called the police on him, after I told him to leave. I just made sure that he isn’t going to hurt her in the meantime.”

“Let’s see if you thought this through: How are you planning on protecting her?”

“Her father is not setting a foot in her room again, when there’s nobody else in there. I will personally watch her and I know Claire will do that too on the other shift and maybe even Louisa-“

“I get it.” Benson interrupts her again, but this time Tien is too stunned to continue, because _what_? She knows, that she is in trouble, so she didn’t expect Benson to understand her and her motives, but it seems like it wouldn’t be so bad after all.

“I get, that you think you did the right thing.”, Benson begins again and Tiens stomach drops. Of course Benson wouldn’t get her. “But you’re not doing any good for yourself, your work or your hospital with this mindset.”, she pauses for a moment and then takes a deep breath.  
“You will be suspended without pay. You have two weeks to change the way you think about your work and to apologize formally to the father of Charlie, or you will not be allowed to come back to Metro again.”

Okay, _fuck_.

There is fury in her bones and a terrible feeling in her stomach; it has always been that way, but not as bad in a long time. Claires shift already started and, without a doubt, she is going to be worried sick. Tien should probably go talk to her, be the first one to tell her what happened, but she really can’t interact with other humans right now.  
Maybe that’s why she leaves the hospital and completely ignores Ben Urichs attempt to talk to her; maybe that’s why she collapses on a bench near the hospital; maybe that’s why she pulls her hood over her face and uses her eyes and just watches everything that’s going on inside of the hospital.

Tien wants to scream, but she doesn’t. She only wanted to help, but apparently, she didn’t. _No_ , she thinks, _I did help Charlie. I just couldn’t do it like the hospital wanted me to._

She can’t explain why she needed to hurt this man to get him away from Charlie. Why did she need to get physical? Was she trying to be a hero? No. Tien gave up on trying to be one a long time ago. But on the other side, she isn’t able to look away when someone so obviously asks for help. And Charlie wanted to get out. She _told_ her.

Tien stays and rests on the bench, seemingly covering her face and maybe sleeping; but in reality, she is watching the life inside the hospital in front of her. She sees Charlie sleeping in her bed. Claire is working in her usual routine. As it’s getting later, less and less people are visiting patients, family and friends within the hospital. Ben Urich is leaving the side of his wife Doris to go home.  
Tiens chest is aching and the black hole in her stomach is still there, but at least it stopped expanding. The routine and life all around her calms Tiens nerves a little.

With her eyes activated like that, she had a lot to concentrate on. The streets behind her are still busy, traffic is flooding Hell’s Kitchen and even behind that Manhattan. There were some homeless people in an alley to her left. It seems like they are telling each other lively stories. Tien almost smiles.  
Tien has always wondered how normal people see the world; if it is as bright as hers, if they acknowledge as much as her. Or if they are lucky and able to just mind their own business and live in their own world. Because Tiens world tends to collide with everyone elses and she can’t do anything about that.

She remembers one of her darker times, when she first met Claire. It’s been bad, then. Really bad. Claire was her roomie and, lucky for her, some day she just had enough of Tiens shit, so she called her out. They had a rough start for sure, but Tien can’t imagine a world without her. And Claire helped her a lot, she did so much for her, but there is still so much bitterness, so much anger inside of her and she can’t seem to get it out of her system. It’s something she still is too afraid to talk about. Maybe she will never be at peace with herself.

But, goddammit, she can at least try to be.

 

When Claire starts her break, Tien deactivates her eyes and gets up. Her eyes are burning, because she didn’t take out her lenses, which – was just really, really stupid.  
On her way to the break room she is careful to avoid anything remotely human, because she only wants to see Claire and she definitely doesn’t want to be seen by a certain administrator. Tien gets two cups of their poison (“sweet, undeniably not-fresh poison, give or take some of my life, I don’t care”, Claire joked a while ago) and isn’t too ashamed to admit, that she _may_ have hid behind a plant of theirs to avoid a wandering patient, who probably shouldn’t be around here. She can’t bring herself to care right now.

She wonders, if the other nurses already know about what happened. If Claire already knows about her. But word usually travels fast around here.  
The moment she opens the door to the break room, she takes a deep breath. Luckily Claire is the only one sitting on these worn-out chairs. She looks at Tien tiredly and sighs.  
“I wondered if you would come.”  
“I brought coffee.” Tien hands her one cup and sips on her own. She sits down next to Claire, on a chair she has sat on so many times. She might not be able to do that again in the future.

“Thank you.” Claire embraces the cup as if she was cold and closes her eyes. They sit in silence. It’s uncomfortable silence.

Whatever Claire is going to say, Tien probably isn’t going to like it. The problem is that Claire almost always speaks the truth. So, this is going to be fun.  
“What,”, Claire starts, “What exactly did you do?” Claire opens her eyes to stare at Tien. “I mean, I come to my shift, thinking nothing bad and what do I hear as soon as I set my foot on this floor?”  
She rubs her head. “Tien Dechen threatened a man and got herself suspended. I mean, what the fuck, Tien?”  
Tien gets defensive like in her discussion with Benson.  
“I helped the girl.”, is the only thing she answers.  
“Did you hurt the man?”, Claire asks and Tien looks away.  
“Not really, I only wanted to scare him.”

Claire nods and takes another sip. “I know what this feels like – but you just risked your job and career over something completely unnecessary. You have to think before you do stuff like that!”  
Tien has thought about it. She concluded, that she wanted to do it. This man didn’t deserve someone like Charlie as his daughter.

“You know what? I’ve taken enough of a beating today. The girl wanted to get out, so I helped her. If you don’t get that – well, I don’t know. I’m going home.”

 

 

Well, this day has been one of the worse ones. Tien rubs her eyes and sighs. She can still feel the anger running through her veins, but she is so tired. Today has been shit, time to go home and sleep. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day. Maybe, tomorrow will show her, what she needs to do. What the right decision is.

At least Claire is watching over Charlie now. She acted angry with her for being so stupid, but in the end, Tien is sure Claire understands. Claire has had her fair share with abusing fathers, too.

She hates that people suffer that way and nobody does anything. Tien has seen so much, too much – but she can’t be everywhere. And some people, has hard as it sounds, just don’t want to be saved. So, Tien stopped altogether with saving and fighting and breaking bones or getting cut. She started healing others, who got their bones broken.

That, of course, wouldn’t fix the problem. She didn’t stop anything from happening, she just got rid of the consequences afterwards. Maybe, she thought, maybe this wasn’t the right thing for her, after all. ( _“You couldn’t leave anyone alone when you thought someone was not doing okay.”_ And dammit, Tommy was right, why did she let him leave-) Tien shakes her head. This was a tomorrow-problem. Everything she could now gain from thinking about it is a damn headache.

Once she is outside, the fresh air clears her mind; the night sky shows no clouds, but no stars either, sadly. New York shines too brightly for that, but Tien likes that about this town – it always seems like New York is its own little universe; where glowing windows are the stars and the skyscrapers the planets.

The warmth from the day still lingers between the buildings, but Tien shivers nevertheless. Something isn’t right, she can feel it in the air. Her mother used to tell her she can trust her instincts, because they work for her and warn her of dangers that are close. That was a long time ago, but this piece of advice never disappointed her. No, it actually saved her life a few times.  
So, of course Tien takes it seriously.

She really should take her colored lenses out, but she wouldn’t be able to put them anywhere. They stay when she pulls the hood back deep into her face, because the veins around her eyes get visible when she activates them. Her gaze flickers around; what is going on?  
A few alleys to her right she can see what; the homeless that warmed her heart before, that were telling some stories, she wasn’t able to hear… They were getting beaten up by some damn kids.

What the hell. What the- Tien has had _enough_. What the fuck is up with people? Tien is breathing shallow and fast, and she knows what to do. Her anger is taking over; anger at this world, at the people, who enjoyed to be cruel just for the fun of it. How could they _dare_ -  
Tien starts running towards them, fixing her eyes on her targets, watching their chi running through their bodies. These scrawny white boys will get what they deserve. They have it coming.

“Hey, fuckers! What do you think you’re doing?”, Tien pushes the guy standing next to her and gets between him and a bleeding old woman. There’s three of them, all build the same; it’s obvious no one of them knows how to fight. It makes her blood boil. They do this for _fun_ -  
“Care to explain yourself?”, she asks, growling low. The boys, that froze in their movements when she arrived, look at the one she pushed. Seems like he is their alpha or whatever.

“How about you fucking leave, woman-“, the boy begins, and she admits that he has balls. His voice doesn’t quiver, where the other two look like they want to run away any second now. “Or we will fuck you up, too!”

“I will tell you, what I think”, Tien begins, looking right at them, but they can’t see that. They only see the lower half of her face, so she smiles. “I think you are some rich, white kids that grew up privileged and now think they own everything and everyone. You are the kings and can do anything. Well, your parents did an awful job of raising you all.” Tien wants to fight. She wants to see this assholes bend over in pain, lay down and cry and don’t get up. She wants to see them running. They can fuck off and be assholes somewhere else.

“Or maybe they are the same as you.”, Tien says. “With zero respect, manners or even some human decency.”

She made them angry. Good.

She turns to the homeless. “Go, I will find you and help you with your wounds.” They didn’t dare to move.  
“They will not-”, the leader begins.  
“Shut the hell up, kid.”

She holds out her hand, and the small old woman hesitates, but takes her hand after considering her options, probably. Tien gives her a nod and the others appear at the woman’s side. They give Tien a quick nod back, and then rush out of this alley, away from their abusers.  
“I said no!”, the kid yells and tries to follow them. With a single step to her side Tien stands in front of him and blocks his way.

“You will pay for what you did.”, she says, and then she charges at him. She has her own fighting style. Her mother used to teach her. After her, she only had one other teacher, and he didn’t know this fighting style firsthand. Also, he was an asshole, too.

She sees the chi paths in his body and the points it flows through – you wouldn’t believe what a little chi of her own could do to these points. Especially to this lanky boy.  
But she doesn’t want to _really_ hurt him, of course. Not permanently. No, but for now it’s supposed to hurt, she wants to teach them a lesson.

And even though she hasn’t done this in a long time, she hits his chi points directly. She doesn’t use any chi of her own for him. That will be enough, nevertheless. One, two, three – six – ten – twelve, her fingers drill into his stomach.  
It all happened so fast, that the other boys didn’t move. They just awoke out of their paralysis and now come at her, too, to try to help their buddy.

She is ready to take them. She wants to take them. They should learn, to never ever do something like that again, and think they would get away with it, too. She felt better, now that she punched someone, and as bad as it sounds, she finally let some steam out. All of this anger and fury that sat with her over this past day – no, days – it finally found a way out. And in that moment, Tien wonders why she ever stopped.

There was someone else coming. On the rooftops, somehow directly into their direction. The boy she hit, sinks to his knees. There is blood in his mouth angle. The other boys try to punch her, but she ducks. "Eeny, meeny, miny, moe", she says, and decides for the boy on her left. She hits three, four spots on the arm of his, still in movement. The same second the figure lands in their alley and attacks the boy to her left.  
“My arm!”, her opponent yells, eyes wide with fear. “I can’t move my arm!”

The Man has knocked the other boy out, already. And if she hadn’t seen it with her own eyes, she wouldn’t had believed it. Damn, he could fight.

But this is – _was_ – her fight. There goes her change to let all her steam off. All thanks to this man in his fucking mask.  
“You’re fucking kidding me.”, she mumbles.

Because, sure, nothing ever plays out like you want it to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay... does anybody know where I got the idea for Tiens abilities? :D Comment and you get a virtual cookie!


	4. The creep in the mask

Both of the figures stand in the dark alley, panting, listening, waiting. No one left their fighting stance yet, even though the boys that attacked the homeless people are down, defeated. Probably crying for their daddys. Spoiled Brats.   
Tiens blood is still running hot. But she also knows who is in front of her, she had heard of this man; some dude who runs at night through Hell’s Kitchen and picks fights with basically every criminal there is. (Not that she hadn't thought about doing this too, once, a long time ago.)

“You should have stayed out of this one, man.”, she says, and finally lets her hands fall to her sides. She doesn't need to worry about him, she thinks. He acts on morals, and she is no threat. Or at least she didn't plan on making herself one. Still, it kind of pissed her off. She would have been perfectly fine, this were only brats, after all.

“How did you see them?”, he asks, and she raises her eyebrow. Not that he could see it. She still had her hood down, so no one would see her face.   
“I got lucky.”, she answers, clearly sarcastically. He huffs.  
“Stop playing. You were too far away when this started. There is no way.”  
“Says the dude who was like three blocks away when I confronted them.” Tien almost has to laugh. “Tell me, where did you learn to do parkour like that?”

Silence spreads between them, and Tien can only sigh. There is a quiet danger radiating off him. Fuck, she really didn't need this right now.  
“Forget it, dude.”, she sighs, “I had a really bad day. Just continue with your night-routine and I will look after the woman and her friends.”

“What did you do to them?”, he asks and finally relaxes a bit. “I don’t know that fighting style.”  
“And you really don’t have to.”, she says, but it’s nicer than her blows before. “I just wanted to teach them a lesson. I’m honestly not planning on seeing you ever again. So, don’t worry.”

He shows no sign of an answer, so Tien shakes her head. “Well, farewell, stranger.” She grabs her hood like an imaginary hat and tips it. Then she turns around and walks out of the alley, and looks for the old woman and the other ones. She sees them near the hospital, probably hoping that the open space will make it safer for them.   
She didn’t stop the Chi flowing into her eyes yet, as the masked man still lingered on a rooftop nearby, and she didn’t want to be surprised by him. He’s probably watching her, too, nosy about what she is going to do. _But how does he do it_?, Tien asks herself. _Could he be like me?_

It doesn’t matter, she decides, while arriving at the spot the woman settled.   
“Hey.”, she greets them softly, careful not to startle them any further. But the woman is smiling at her, and the other two are nodding at her. Tien lowers herself to be at eyelevel with them, and she shuts her eyes off. They deserve the real her. The nurse, not the fighter.  
Tien pulls her hood down. “How are you feeling?”

One of the others snorts angrily. “They got her good. I hope these kids will remember this a long time.”  
“They will.”, she assures them and nods. “Show me what they did to you:”  
“Thank you so much for helping us, but you really don’t have to.”, the older woman smiles sincerely at her, full of gratitude. It makes Tiens heart ache.

“I’m a nurse, at least let me look at it.” She offers, and the woman hesitates. Then she nods, and pulls her hair aside – only to reveal a part that was probably a good hit from one of those boys. Blood has made her hair sticky, but it doesn’t look that bad.

“Do you feel sick? Like you need to throw up?”, Tien asks, but the woman shakes her head.   
“I don’t have a concussion, kid.”, she tells Tien, a fond glint in her eyes. Tien can’t help but smile.  
“Good. We should probably disinfect and at least tape it.”  
“I’m not insured. I can’t afford this help.”  
“I told you I’m helping you, didn’t I?”

And if she would have to steal stuff from the hospital, so be it. The Metro wasn’t too good on her list right now, anyway.

 

As it turned out, it was almost the end of Claire’s shift, so Tien texted her what she needed. She didn’t get a reply, which is not much of a surprise considering their last talk; but Claire has read it, and Tien is certain, that she will help her.  
So they wait, and she sits with them, and they tell her stories, and she can’t think about anything else than that she want’s to help them; get them off these streets – but she has no way of doing this. And she hates this world a little more.

While waiting for Claire the lack of sleep got to her again, and she may have drifted asleep. She didn’t notice until someone shook her awake, softly.   
“Come on, Tien.”, Claires voice is tender, “Let’s go home.”  
Tien found her way to reality again and blinks. “Wait, I still need to-“  
“Your friend already did it, kid.”, the woman interrupted her tired argument, “You better go home and get a good night of sleep.”  
“Why do people keep telling me that?”, she chuckles.   
“Because you look like shit.”  
“Well, thank you, honey. I feel really appreciated.”

Tien gets up and slaps some dirt off of her pants. Then she looks at this group of strangers and looses the words she wanted to say.  
“Thank you for helping us.”, one of the others tells her and holds out his hand, “Really.”

She shakes it, and leaves it at that.

 

They walk the streets home in silence, until Claire begins. This ritual never seems to waver.  
“Are you okay?”  
“I didn’t get hurt”, she starts and sees her look, and sighs silently. “I’m fine, I think. It’s all a little too much right now.”  
Claire nods, and they walk in silence again.

Tien wonders what the father of Charlie will do, and what the future of her at Metro looks like – if there’s any future at all, that is. She thinks about Tommy and about her mother, and she thinks about this world, that can be cruel any time it wants to.   
Her mother taught her how to be balanced, how to meditate, how to be in peace with herself and the world around her. It’s been a while that this really worked.

“Did you hear that?”, Claire asks and grabs her elbow.   
“I haven’t heard anything”, Tien says, but activates her eyes once she sees Claires nervous expression.  
And there, right over them on the rooftops is a man she has met earlier already.

“Fuck off!”, she screams into the night. A light turns on in the window above them, but Tien grabs Claire and marches on. The man shakes his head and jumps unto another rooftop, away from them.  
“Fucking creep.”, she mutters, and she could swear that he ran a little faster.

Claire looks at her like she is crazy.  
“Don’t even ask.”


	5. The Conditions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is more like a filler chapter, but it's leading up to a hard decision Tien has to make. Enjoy!

Tien wakes up to her phone ringing next to her. Still more asleep than awake she reaches for it and sighs, when she reads the name of her tormentor.  
“Yes, Benson?”  
“Dechen, nice to hear from you.”

Tien can’t help but roll her eyes at her. She knows that Benson means well, most of the time, but damn.  
“What’s up?”, she says instead of a real greeting, “Thought you didn’t want to see me for like two weeks.”  
“Well, there’s been a change of plans, Dechen. It’s- it’s important, Tien.” Wow, if Benson is calling her by her first name there’s really some trouble close.  
“What do you mean, ‘change of plans’?”, she asks, kind of hoping that Benson needed her as a nurse for some medical emergency, or staff shortage.  
“You’re still suspended, if that’s what you’re asking.”, Bensons voice is somber, “But I need to talk to you as soon as you can. Personally.”  
The “ _What for?_ ” is on Tiens tongue, but instead she sighs again. She wouldn’t get an answer anyway.

“Alright, I guess. I’ll come in this evening with Claire.”

 

The sleep actually _did_ do some good for her.  
Her bones still ached in a way that only fury was able to cause, but she wasn’t as angry anymore. Just exhausted.  
Now that she is awake, she can do something nice for Claire, as a little thank you. Claire really had to suffer because of her in the last few days, she muses. Luckily, that’s the very core of their friendship – being there for each other, even when it Is exhausting (as long as it is within reason, of course).

She decides to take up on cooking the meal today, as it is almost one pm and she doesn’t have to work anyway. Looking in their cupboard (they really, really need to do some serious grocery shopping-), she chooses mac and cheese as their meal for today. And maybe tomorrow. (And maybe the day after that. They were in college together, they fucking know how to survive on something like that.)

She is in the middle of boiling the water when she is a quiet whimpering from Claires room, and she curses, shuts the stove off and hurries into her room. Claire hasn’t had a nightmare in a very long time, and Tien couldn’t help but feel guilty about that, because there was only one thing Claire had bad dreams about: her father.

“Wake up, honey. You’re safe.”  
When they started being roommates in College, Tien found out that she shouldn’t touch her when she has one of her nightmares – but wake her up with her voice, with words, soft-spoken and calming.

“Claire, wake up. You’re with me, I’m making food. Nobody will hurt you here.”  
Claire stops shuffling and puts a hand over her eyes; she’s awake. Now a new ritual begins:  
“Do you need something?” _Should I stay with you or leave you alone?_  
“No, it’s fine.” _Give me space, we’ll talk later._

“Alright.”, Tien murmurs and leaves her alone, and starts boiling the water for the noodles again.

Half an hour later, Tien and Claire sit together and eat their plates of Mac and Cheese. When Claire saw that Tien made food, she smiled truly at her, the first time today.  
They will be fine. They always are.  
It’s Tiens turn, this time. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Claire stabs some noodles and grumpily says “Same old shit. You know it.”  
“Yeah.”, Tien nods, and thinks that distraction is the right next thing to do. “So-,”, she starts,  
“You won’t believe who I met yesterday.”

 

While Claire got another round of sleep, Santino came over, and he told Tien all about his day at school; it seems like they visited the Avengers tower today, and he met the actual Tony Stark. Santino couldn’t stop grinning the entire time, and Tien was happy for him too.  
“A propósito”, he laughs, “I told him I will work with him after school.”  
“You did _what_?”, she can’t help but giggle, “You told Tony fucking Stark that- that you will work not even for him, but _with_ him?” She closes her eyes. “Oh my god. This is so good. I wish I’d been able to see his face. What did he say?”  
Santino straightens his back and acts like he got some glasses on, and looks over the tip of his imaginary glasses, “Better hurry up, kid”, he starts with a much deeper voice than his actual one, “You can never have enough competent geniuses like me.” Then he does a dramatic turn, but almost trips.

Tien breaks out into a loud laugh. “You- You really nailed that impression, you absolutely need a goatie.” And then she presses out another “oh my god” and they both laugh, until she actually sheds a tear.  
“Hope I don’t interrupt anything.” Claire stands in the door from her room, looking a littler better than before. They probably woke her up, but they need to leave soon, so it wasn’t that bad.  
Tien catches her breath. “Oh, you didn’t miss much. He just told Tony Stark that he’ll work with him. Don’t worry, we’re fine.” Santino is still grinning, but it is more silent, content, and Tien can just see how he is imaging himself there, next to Stark, building things and coding for him.  
Sometimes she wished Santino didn’t have to return to his mother, which was just spending her time drinking anyway. She isn’t sure if Santino talked to her anymore, about normal, teenager things, or if he just gave up on her. She wouldn’t blame him, that’s for sure. Most of the time he did his work here in their apartment, and they leave him food, and when he isn’t out with friends he at least says hello to them after school.  
“Well, you’re much too good at this coding-stuff already, anyway. Then you could at least put it to work.”  
Santino laughs, “Maybe I will do that.”  
They share this moment together, peaceful, happy.

_Let’s just hope this isn’t the silence before the storm_ , Tien thinks to herself.

 

They are quiet on the way to Metro, both listening to their music, and on their phone. Tien is on Twitter and chuckling at Memes, trying to relieve some of her anxiety that began to build again a while ago. Sadly, it doesn’t really help.  
She gives up on trying to calm herself down. Tien nudges Claire softly and gestures to her headphones; Claire gives her a questioning look, but nods, and takes them out.  
“What do you think Benson wants?”  
Tien hasn’t listened to Claire in the last few days, and she kind of fucked up a lot (even if she wouldn’t really change anything. Like, at all.) But now might be the right time to get some advice on what to do and how to behave.  
“I don’t know, to be honest.”  
“Well, that doesn’t make me feel better.”  
“She could offer you something, in the best case.”, Claire suggests.  
“It didn’t really sound like that. What would be the worst case?”  
“That they’ll fire you.”

“ _What_? You think so?”, Tiens heart is beating a little too fast, and she feels too hot. Oh well, she had to ask.  
“I mean, it could be. They can’t really afford to lose staff right now; but you told me Benson made clear that you fucked up.”  
“Yeah, she did.”, Tien bites her lip, “It could be.”  
This is the fucking worst. She worked her ass off since she graduated, and this should be the thanks she gets?  
“Hey, if that really happens, we will figure it out.” Claire smiles one of her sunshine smiles at her – it isn’t necessarily very bright, but it always makes you feel better, because Claire is inherently _good_ ; and she can make you feel it.

“Like we always do, I guess.” _I survived everything up to this point, and I honestly fucked up worse before,_ she thinks. ‘ _Anything they throw at you, stay calm, think, and handle it’_ , her mother advises her in her mind, as if Tien is still that helpless ten-year-old. _Fuck you_ , she thinks.  
And wonders how many people argue with their probably long-gone mothers in their head.

 

Ben Urich is leaving the hospital just when Tien and Claire arrive, but as if he senses their tension, he lets them be and only gives them a nod.  
Their ways part when Claire goes into the changing room, and Tien knocks on Bensons door.  
“Come inside.”  
Tien takes one last deep breath, and braces herself for anything that might come.

She walks inside. Bensons gestures her to sit down with a wave of her hand.  
“Glad you could make it.”, Benson shuffles around in her seat. She looks nervous. Tien gulps. That is probably not good for her.  
“So, lets get straight to the point.”, Benson begins again, and Tien stays silent. For a long moment there is an uncomfortable feeling in the room. _Then why don’t you start talking already? This silence only makes it worse._

“I was able to talk Mr. Gisaker into dropping the possible charges against us.”  
“But that’s good, right?”, she asks, hopeful.  
“Yes, it is.”, she begins again, “But he still wants to sue you, individually, because of your act of violence.”  
“That’s not as good.”, Tien states the obvious.  
“Yeah, no shit. He is willing to think about it, when you formally apologize to him- don’t you dare to interrupt me. You know that is also my condition, if you want to come back from your suspension.” Tien blows out the air and shuts her mouth.  
“But he also wants you to talk to Charlie. It seems like she refused to talk to him, whenever he visited her.”  
“You know that this actually speaks volumes about their relationship.”  
“I do know, but this is what he wants. And let me be clear: You will do what he wants. Because if you don’t, and he sues you, you will not be representing Metro-General anymore.”  
“You’ll really fire me over something like this? When it’s clearly not me in the wrong?”  


“Oh yes, we will, no matter what position you imagine yourself to have. I like you, Tien. I don’t want to lose you as one of our best and most capable nurses, but I will do what I have to do. Are you willing to do the same?”

_I don’t fucking know_ , she thinks. “I’ll have to think about it.”  
“That’s really not what I wanted to hear, Dechen.”


	6. The Decision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long. It's also kind of a short chapter, but I didnt want to leave you wating too long :) So here we go!

_I should mark this spot as mine_ , Tien thinks. It’s done her a good job in the last few days.  
Of course she could catch a train home right now, but she needs the fresh air to think. It’s still warm, the heat from the day will probably last for another few hours. Tien has to think about what she wants to do.  
No way in hell she wants to convince Charlie to give her father another chance. These _chances_ were what brought her in the hospital in the first place. But Benson was clear: If she wants to keep her job…

Being a nurse was the first thing Tien ever really accomplished herself. She gets to help others, gets to make a difference. But does she actually? Does Tien make a difference, when she has to talk victims into forgiving their abusers? Does Tien help anyone, at all?   
They are hurt when they come to her. Someone else hurt them, all Tien _does_ is fix it. But what would helping mean, then?

Maybe nobody has to get hurt in the first place. Tien has the abilities to help, but chose not to ten years ago; when all she had was this batshit crazy organization. They gave her a place to stay because of what she could do – but it meant using her powers for means that weren’t morally right. She doesn’t blame herself for things she did, but she avoids using her eyes now. _I was a fucking kid_ , she muses.

“Good evening.”, someone says, startled she looks up. It’s an old man, and she notices his collar. A priest. “I noticed you staring into the void. Are you alright?”  
Tien sighs. “Yes, just thinking. Thank you for your concern, though.”  
He points to the spot beside her. “May I sit down?”  
Would it be very rude to say no? _C’mon Tien, get over yourself_. Tien shrugs, “Sure.”

He sits down and remains silent for a moment, and Tien thinks maybe he really just wanted a place to sit instead of giving her some lecture. She thought wrong.  
“My name is Paul, Paul Lantom.”  
“Tien.”, she says.  
“You know, it usually helps to put your thoughts into words. Maybe I can even give you some advice, if you want to listen to some of it.”  
“I’m sorry –“, she doesn’t know what to call him. Paul? Lantom? Father? “Sorry, but I’m not religious.”  
“And you don’t have to be. But I’m a good listener, considering what I do. And I can see when someone is in dilemma. You can see it in their eyes, usually.”

This almost made Tiens heart jump. _In their eyes_. Does he know something about her? She takes a closer look at him: he’s an old man, fading grey hair, but kind eyes. Probably not, she is sure, she has never seen him before today. Somehow, he seems trustworthy.  
“Well,”, she begins, “I need to choose between doing the right thing and losing the only job I’m really good at.”  
“And keeping your job would mean?”  
“Harming a kid, basically.”, she mutters and he raises an eyebrow. Tien stutters because of this, and wonders in the same moment, why she cares what he thinks. “Uhh, I mean- I mean, that I’d have to talk a kid into doing something that goes against my morals. It’s not anything illegal, but-”, _why is she telling him this?,_ “Well.” Tien clears her throat, so she has to stop rambling and can get her composure back. “It probably sounds really stupid to you. Of course I should do the right thing.”

“I if it were that easy, you wouldn’t be hesitating.”, he states, and somehow Tien relaxes.   
It’s getting dark, slowly but surely, but it’s still comfortably warm. It’s quiet, only in the distance you can hear the sound of traffic that never leaves the city. Lantoms voice is soft and nice to listen to, as if his voice is finding it’s way on his own to your ears, and in a matter of time to your heart.  
In some way Tien thought this priest would try to ‘lead her to god’, and not take no as an answer. Religious people like this always change their mind anyway, when she tells them that she is, in fact, not straight. But Paul Lantom seems to be alright, surprisingly. (She really doesn’t want to judge, but it’s nice to get proven wrong.)   
“You see, right and wrong is all about your perception of the world.”  
“I guess,”, she says, “But that doesn’t really help me. If I want to do the right thing but can’t, what do I do?”  
“You know, somehow that sounds like you already made your decision.”, Lantom says. “If you really _can’t_ , you don’t have a choice. You’ll have to do it, and you’ll have to live with the consequences. I can’t tell you what you should do, but let me ask you one question.”  
Tien stays silent, too stunned to answer.   
“If you were this kid, what would you want an adult you are dependent on to do?”

Tien wonders how her life has come to this, sitting in front of her workspace and listening to advice from strangers; but she knows he is right, and she knows there is only one answer. Because this is not only about her, it’s about Charlie, it’s about every kid that ever had to suffer in their own home, it is about morality.   
She always felt like she owed the world something, like she owed everyone for the things she did wrong. But this isn’t the same thing. She used to help to feel better about herself, and that’s why she would push boundaries, and couldn’t say no. She learned a lot since that, but she also turned her back on what she used to believe and on what her mother used to teach her.   
It’s all about balance, balance within yourself, peace with the world. Weaker people need defending, stronger people are the ones defending them. It’s all about giving and receiving. _Wait and see where you’re needed_.

The stranger next to her, Paul Lantom, waits and lets her think, and maybe Tien is receiving something right now; the priest is giving her advice, so she can give something else in return.  
She still appears calm and collected, but honestly, she feels like a mess, the decision hanging over her like it will come crashing down at her any second. But maybe he did help her.   
“I guess there are more important things than paychecks.”

Lantom chuckles at that. “That doesn’t really answer my question, but I’m glad you found an answer for yourself.”  
“I think I knew the answer all along and just needed a little nudge in the right direction. Thank you.”  
“Oh really, there’s no need.”, he smiles. “I’m glad I could help. If you ever need anything… you can always find me at the Saint Patricks Cathedral.”  
“Oh, alright. But isn’t this kind of far from here? What are you doing here?”, she wonders, “If you don’t mind me asking, I mean.”

“I’m just looking out for my people. There are some regulars of mine getting treated here, and they have no one to visit them. I don’t want them to feel alone.”  
“You are a very kind person, Mr. Lantom.”, Tien says, and she means it. “Better hurry up, then. Visiting hours are already over, as far as I know.”  
He gets up with a little huff and winks at her. “That’s true. But nobody would want to say no to a priest trying to help, wouldn’t they?”  
“Not the staff that I know. Have a good evening, sir.”  
“Likewise, Tien.”

 

She watches him leave and go inside the hospital.   
He really did help her – and now she needed to act. She didn’t want to think about how her life would look without her having the one job she ever really wanted; but she knows that life goes on, always. No matter what happens.  
Claire would be able to pay their rent alone, if Tien really couldn’t find another job. She didn’t even want another job… it felt like she could return to helping people, maybe.

Tien gets up with a sigh, and starts to walk her way home. She has time, and needs the air, so she doesn’t take the subway.

Now, that she chose morality, she knows what else she has to do. She has to find Tommy, and she has to make it right – nothing what he told her was his fault. He was so broken, that she didn’t want to think about him any more than she already did. But it makes her feel really bad, knowing that he was suffering. And she’s worried… She had to find him fast.   
If he was really saying goodbye…

Tien swallows her thoughts and clears her mind. She will do everything she can. More isn’t in her power.


End file.
